The “Pros and Cons” List That Could Save You From Heartbreak (and Regret)
- Aly Bealey
- Feb 19
- 3 min read
When I was younger, I used to write “PROs and CONs” papers.
If I had a situation — like a crush — I would grab a piece of scrap paper, draw a line down the middle, and write:
PROs on one side.CONs on the other.
Then I would start listing everything out.
At the time, it felt simple.Almost silly.
But I learned something very important.
If you aren’t doing it honestly — simply because you really want the situation or person to be a pro — it doesn’t end well.
When You Like Someone… But the List Says Otherwise
Let’s say you like a person a lot.And they might like you too.
But…
They don’t make healthy choices.
They don’t treat you very well.
They don’t converse well.
They ghost you… and then pick you back up when they’re ready.
You have to be fine with it.
They treat you differently around others — like you’re just a person they know, or like you’re being annoying.
But when it’s just you two? They treat you like gold.
When they’re texting you? They make you feel special.
Do you see something?
I wrote a lot of cons.
And that’s on purpose.
The con list would — and should — be long for good reason.
You deserve better.
Not just with a crush.With anything.
But here’s where we mess up.
We start fluffing the pros.
We exaggerate them.We stretch them.We romanticize them.
“He’s actually really sweet.”“He just has stuff going on.”“He treats me amazing when we’re alone.”“He makes me feel special when he texts me.”
But if your con list is longer…And heavier…And more serious…
That’s not random.
That’s information.
The Same Thing Happens With Big Life Decisions
It’s not just about crushes.
It’s about colleges.Universities.Friend groups.Jobs.Opportunities.
Maybe your friend is going to a certain school.And you want to go too.You’re picturing hot girl summer memories.Sleepovers.New freedom.Fun.
But…
It doesn’t have the classes you need.
It doesn’t align with your career path.
It doesn’t work with your funding.
You’d be taking on massive debt.
Sometimes your con list can be short —BUT those cons are VERY important cons.
Five years later, you don’t want to be $50,000 in debt wondering:
“Now what?”
All because you chose vibes over vision.
“Your Heart and Head Both Meet on Paper”
Here’s why the pros and cons list works.
When you’re in a dilemma, your brain is swirling.Your emotions are loud.Your heart is involved.Your fear is involved.Your ego is involved.
It’s hard to decipher what to do.
But when you write it down —When you really see it —
You can make a better educated decision.
It’s like:
“Your heart and head both meet on paper.”
On paper, things are clearer.Patterns show up.Red flags stand out.Reality becomes louder than fantasy.
But Only If You’re Honest
This is the most important part.
If you don’t write it honestly,If you downplay the cons,If you inflate the pros,
You are not helping yourself.
You are convincing yourself.
And that never ends well.
Because warning signs ignored todayBecome heartbreak tomorrow.
Or worse.
You could find yourself:
Broken hearted.
Wasted time.
In debt.
Stuck in a path that isn’t yours.
Looking back wishing you had listened to your gut.
Sometimes the List Is Short — But Heavy
Here’s another truth:
Your con list might be short.
But those few cons?They matter.
For example:
“He lies.”
That’s one con.But it’s massive.
Or:
“This school doesn’t offer the program I need.”
That’s one con.But it affects your entire future.
Length doesn’t always matter.
Weight does.
The Discipline of Choosing Yourself
Making a pros and cons list sounds simple.
But using it honestly?That takes maturity.
It means:
Not choosing someone just because they make you feel wanted.
Not choosing a school just because your friends are going.
Not choosing a situation just because it looks fun.
Not choosing temporary excitement over long-term peace.
It means choosing your future self.
It means respecting yourself enough to say:
“This doesn’t align with the life I want.”
Even when it hurts.
Please Use the List — But Use It Honestly
So here’s my advice:
When you’re confused.When you’re emotional.When you don’t know what to do.
Grab a piece of paper.
Draw the line.
Write:
PROsCONs
Let “your heart and head both meet on paper.”
And if your cons are bigger…Or heavier…Or the list is longer…
Listen to your head.
It’s trying to protect you.
Your future matters too much to ignore warning signs.
And sometimes the most powerful thing you can do
Is tell yourself the truth. ✨
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